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June 2000 Sermons
June 4, 2000 SermonRev. Nancy D. DeanJune 4, 2000Religion: The Fantasy and RealityI have been discovering in the last few years that my children and I do not always have the same recollections of their childhood. In fact, in some instances, my two children recall elements of their childhood that did not exist. I am not talking about those things I forgot that they remember, for usually I will find a grain of recall that sprouts the episode in my memory once more. No, what I am talking about here is the recollections of things that I know did not happen. This really hit home in a discussion about Thanksgiving menus of the past, when my daughter said she always liked this yam casserole I used to make. Now I know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that I have never, nor never would, make a yam casserole of the sort she described. A couple of times, as in this case, I have tried to argue that this or that could not have happened, or was not the case, but they would not be dissuaded. This happens more with my daughter who is now in her thirties. I have learned to not argue, but leave them with their mistaken memories, for they seem to serve some deeper purpose of which I am not altogether certain. It is not necessary for me to understand. What I do know, is they want these memories enough to argue to the death for them, and who am I to take away what they seem to need so much. My minute research--meaning: asking friends about similar experiences--indicates this is a fairly common phenomena. Most of us can see that when family get together to talk about old times, the recall varies considerably about different events and people. For instance, one person remembers Uncle Harry laughing about wrecking his car, another remembers he got drunk. Maybe he did both. Often there is some compromise to resolve the difference in recall, and this is how legends are born. If we consider how differently we can view even the most everyday, mundane events in our families, why are we so surprised that a larger group has trouble with getting the facts straight? The truth is often relative for us, and it is this relativity that creates both the beauty and the divisiveness in our world. We could talk about all this in purely scientific terms. About how the individual differences in the human brain, coupled with the individual differences in perception at any given place and time, give each one of us a different view of the same events. There was a French scientist who first brought to attention that if one considers an apple, say Newton’s apple, falling from its branch to the earth in response to gravity, that is only one perception. For, if the view is from a greater distance, say outside the earth’s orbit, the apple in its fall is going round with the rotation of the earth’s orbit. And, if the view is from further still, the apple is in yet another axial orbit, and so on, and so on. In other words, it is all relative, it all depends upon your point of view, and it was this consideration which led to Einstein’s famous theory about relativity. We can also talk about this relativity of truth, and certainly the differences in our beliefs in terms that reflect the emotional, or familial, or societal or national points of view. The one thing that makes human beings so wonderfully interesting and so frustratingly confounding, has to do with these aspects of difference that we lump together in the non-qualifiable word "unique." I say non-qualifiable, because a person, place or thing that is unique, is not "a little" or "very" or "somewhat" or "really" unique, for unique means "like no other." We are each "unique." Boy does that ever give us a royal pain! For while we love our uniqueness, part of us, that ego part that gets the human into all its trouble, wants to believe that that Newtonian apple is falling on our particular patch of ground. Ergo-I must be the center of the universe. The greatest challenge in human existence, beyond basic survival, has been, and remains, the ability, and the willingness, to look outside our personal patch of ground, our own self-interest, and see that there are others, now over six-billion "others," and try to understand, and accept, that they each have that self-centered view of themselves and the world that we do. And yet, we remain surprised that we have different view points when it comes to just about anything. I see this the most in counseling couples, for it is clear that when there is any disagreement in a relationship--no matter what the nature of that relationship, spouses, parent-child, boss-employee--the issue is the way each person views the situation, far more than the situation itself. One couple might be ready to break off their engagement, or end their marriage, or a person might quit a job over something you and I might see as trivial, or easily resolvable. The issue is our individual, our unique, points of view. Then it should not be any surprise that when it comes to matters of faith, our spiritual natures, our religion, human beings have that same unique take on things. Humanity, though, is also skilled at finding ways to work around these difficulties, so it is true that "birds of a feather" do like to "flock together." Those old saws really are filled with wisdom, no matter how trite they have become. We find ways to surround ourselves with other like-minded individuals, who are certainly unique, but who can find common ground. Which is why we have hundreds of different types and kinds of religions around the world. And within each of the different religions we call "major," such as Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, and Unitarian Universalism, we have groups that lean to the left, those that lean to the right, and a big group that fall toward the middle. Remember the Bell Curve? That in any given group, probability states that a few will be on either end of the continuum, so if we draw a line, it looks like a flat plane, rising to a tall rounded hill, descending to the flat plane again. In religion, spirituality, faith, there is always the continuum from extreme to extreme. Either extreme is ultimately about fantasy, that which we cannot prove even if we had the inclination. Reality is about the bigger piece in the middle, about the differences and the commonalities that bring us together, rather than the extremes that separate us. This is true even for religions that share a common doctrine or creed, and it is just as true for we UUs. As a religion that celebrates diversity, we UUs still, though, can forget that we can have trouble with the essential human difference that makes each one of us unique, even if we have a wonderfully diverse group racially, which is what most people think about when they say "diversity." When we come together as Unitarian Universalists we may assume that we all have the same intents and purposes, but soon learn that that is not true. Even as tolerant and accepting as we can be, there is still the diversity of approach that can cause friction and can lead to real schisms within the group. It has happened many times. Within a hundred miles of us here today, are at least two congregations that have had such a division as to cause part of the congregation to split off to form another, more congenial UU group. Everyone who joins a congregation comes with certain expectations, hopes, and needs. It is no small matter to make our community of faith work for everyone. There will always be the ongoing need to work out how we can most effectively deal with the level and kind of expectations that are presented to the whole? There will always be the ongoing problem of how to make the best use of our resources, how to present our ideas, how to be active in the community that best works for the whole. And there will always be the ongoing problem that some people will leave who find they do not fit well into this group, or that we do not fit their needs well. This is the reality of what it means to be any UU congregation. This is the reality of what it means to be this particular UU congregation. With every new member of this congregation, and especially emphasized for those new to the Unitarian Universalist religion, I have explained who this works. Even so, now and again, someone leaves because they find this group is not what they were looking for. And that is just fine, for it is much more important to find a group into which they will fit, than sit unhappily here, or try to make this group fit their particular needs. We do have different spiritual requirements, and that is fine. The only way we have, in this or any UU congregation, of making our mark is via the democratic process. We vote in the Annual Meeting for the Board of Trustees, who then make proposals for the budget and for any changes we might like to institute, and then the congregation members have the right to say if they agree or disagree with what we are doing. Bringing me to this congregation, was done in the same democratic way. The process may not be perfect, but it is the only one we have that assures us that most of the people agree. We may try to accommodate those who disagree if we can, but we still fall back to the democratic process when it comes to the big decisions. And that is the way it should be. Naturally, it is extremely--and I emphasize--extremely, important to follow through this process respectfully. To present our issues thoughtfully, to suggest rather than berate. To respect the good intentions of the membership, rather than assume some ulterior motives, or evil intent. When we do that, the process works. More often than not, we find ways to make accommodations that work for nearly everyone, and we live out our First Principle and respect the worth and dignity of every person. There are few things that please me more than to hear one of our members mentioning one of the Principles when they are uncomfortable, with the tone of conversation, for instance. This shows that we are trying to find common ground at the same time we are trying to lift up our own values, needs, ethics. When it comes to matters spiritual, and all of life is spiritual, but more specifically, when it comes to matters that we hold dear, we want very much to know that other people feel the way we do. We want to know that we are not alone in our beliefs about the way to live life most productively, not only for ourselves, but for the larger community, which is not easy to do under the best of circumstances. This is one of the most important reasons for belonging to a community of faith. We need one another. Ministers of doctrinally based religions are often amazed that we UUs can gather as we do with, often, very different expressions of our spirituality. They see the doctrine or creed as the tie that binds the group together. Undoubtedly, that is what eventually led to our UU Principles and Purposes, for we too needed to define how it is that we are religious together. Not surprisingly, it took a long time to develop those seven principles, which were finally adopted at the General Assembly in 1984. It is no easy task to get the majority of UUs to agree on what we can all stand for. And, even to this, day, there are Unitarians, Universalists, (remember, we were two different religious groups before 1961) and UUs who do not agree with even having the seven Principles. My response to how we find common ground as UUs, especially within this congregation which is my immediate concern, is that we first must agree to disagree about virtually anything. That there is nothing that we cannot discuss if we do it with respect for the others involved. The reality of any gathering of people is difference of opinion, sometimes slight, sometimes dramatic. We state up front, that we are here with our individual approaches to spirituality, to try to find ways to be better people. Our Mission Statement, one that was developed with several meetings in 1996, is this group’s attempt to state succinctly what we think is our mission. None of these efforts is perfect, and we will one day have to revisit this mission statement, for there most likely will be other things that need to be said, or said in a different way as we continue to grow and to change. We are not here to make people look at life, the world, and certainly not personal spirituality in only one way. This cannot be overly emphasized. It is not my calling, my job, to make this congregation into a group who have Nancy’s particular spirituality. Nor is it anyone’s right to do that for another person. Freedom of spiritual expression must be at the core of how we come together. You always have the opportunity to disagree, respectfully. Not only do members come and go because they either find they fit or find they do not into any given congregation, so do ministers. If either you or I find we are not on the same "wave length" anymore, that we are too far apart in our views, then, the congregation can vote to have me leave, or I can chose to go. That is the democratic process at work, and I would not want it any other way. Fortunately, most of the time, we find common ground who choose to belong to this congregation. We find that our spiritual expressions are valued, and sought out. We can never expect that every Sunday we are always going to get our preferred form of spirituality from the pulpit, but some Sundays we will. One good reason why regular attendance is the only way you can be sure of getting what you want. When I was a Methodist, I got Methodist religion every Sunday. We do not have only one form of UU religion, we have a multi-faceted religion. And like the many facets of the diamond, that make it reflect light more than all other precious gems, we UUs have the precious light that comes from seeing how wonderful the difference of spiritual expression can be. Within this UU Society of Mill Creek, all the people are deeply spiritual, or they would not be members. Each of you is deeply spiritual, that is what leads you, drives you, to be part of a religious community. But each one of us represents a different facet of reflected light. We need all those facets, for, like the diamond, the more facets there are, the more light we see reflected. Light of truth, light of reality, light of hope, light of love. Here there are no people better than others, just different. Here there is no single path of religiousness, but many paths. And we each are responsible for cherishing the differences. There are expectations we each bring to this gathering, in as much as we bring our expectations to everything we do. The best and wisest thing is for each of us to be aware of what our expectations are in fact, and which of them represent the fantasy of our faith and which are the reality. Each of us has that continuum with in us as well. Actually, the regularity of this makes life rather dependable, and desirable most of the time. Our former UU president, Bill Schulz, wrote: "Whatever we think the holy be, Creation itself is holy." "Life’s gifts are available t everyone, not just the Chosen or the Saved." "That which is Divine [or if you are a rationalist most precious and profound] is made evident, not in the miraculous or other worldly, but in the simple and everyday." "Human beings themselves are responsible for the planet and its future." "Everyone of us is held in Creation’s hand -- we share its burdens and its radiance -- and hence strangers need not be enemies." "Though death confronts us all, we love life all the more even though we lose it."
My hope is that we see that there is not a difference between the religious life and just plain life. How we live our lives reflects clearly our spiritual values. We don’t see things like the man, known in the community for his bad credit habits, who suddenly got religion, and was being examined by the parson before being fully accepted into the congregation. "You have renounced sin?" ask the preacher. "Yessir--by all means." "And you shall henceforth going to be as a brother to your neighbor? "Most certainly, I shall." "And of course you understand that this means paying all your just debts?" says the parson meaningfully. "Now, just a minute, parson," said the applicant, "you are getting out of line, now; you are talking business, not religion." In this congregation you are important, your opinions, your beliefs, your hopes and dreams, your needs, all these we value in each other. How we make it all work so that each of us is recognized as a being whose worth and dignity are respected demands our constant vigilance. We are not going to like everything we hear or see. We are not going to approve of every function, stand, practice. We are not going to enjoy every different spiritual approach of the membership. That is the reality. For some, it is fantasy to believe we can all find that common ground we seek. I say that the reality is evident that we do. Spirituality is far more about this effort than it is about the labels we give ourselves or the way we see our personal spiritual expression being acted out in Sunday services. Some people would prefer to never hear the word God, no matter how liberally we define God. Some people want to hear about the love of God every Sunday. Some of us want no stands taken that look political, and others believe that our purpose is to take stands. I believe we need all this, for whatever the nature of Ultimate Reality, God, the Creator, the Universe, we are still left with the same object: getting along together. This congregation is our place to practice that which we need for the harder work of getting along in the world. To learn the reality of how to treat others with the respect we wish to be treated. The message of human existence is consistent. Without loving kindness, we are all lost. |
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